Lessons Learned From Working With Kids

I may not be a parent, but unfortunately, I have plenty of experience with children. I've worked in the kids' birthday party business for over seven years in a special ring of hell called Pump It Up. Let me tell you now: kids are terrifying. I can't say why I've lasted so long working around these crazy little people and I don't know why I haven't gone crazy yet myself. It probably has to do with the perks of getting to play there whenever I want; moon bounces are awesome!

There are some ways to cope, however, when the little monsters get out of control. Here are some survival tips (parenting advice, if you will) that I've picked up over the years:

• Crying generally stops with a band-aid and/or ice pack, no matter what the problem is.
• Quarters will usually stop screaming tantrums (and also will get he/she to leave you alone while it plays crane machines and games).
• Children of all ages should wear diapers in public...no need for details here, you can use your imagination.
• Kids under the age of five should not be given expensive parties in loud places; they get scared and become hysterical (watching this happen gives some people the giggles, but parents may not appreciate the laughter).
• And lastly, for the same reason, small kids should not have characters at their parties. These crazy big-headed life-size cartoons are even frightening to grown-ups:

Keep these tips in mind if you are ever in a situation with anyone below the age of approximately 10. Then after you get rid of the little ones, come hang out at Pump It Up! The inflatable party zone is much more fun when no kids are around.